What I've Learned about Long Distance Relationships.

As most of you know, Trevor is a part of design program that allows him to participate in Co-Ops for two out of the four quarters during the school year. A Co-Op, for those who are wondering, is basically like a paid internship with a broad spectrum of companies. He applies to various companies all over the country, and then chooses one of them and works there for 10 weeks (one quarter).

This past Spring he did his first Co-Op in Buffalo, NY. Before that, we were long distance after we graduated from high school. This Spring was much more successful, and MUCH more pleasant than the first time we did long distance and I came to a few conclusions about why. So for those of you out there who are in the midst of a long distance relationship, listen up, because you just might learn from my mistakes.


1. Make your relationship a priority. Don't make it your life.

Something I really struggled with at first with being in a long distance relationship was knowing the balance between trying to stay involved in Trevor's life, but not losing my own. Don't sit by the phone, or skype, or whatever device your using waiting for them to call. Anytime I did this, I just ended up aggravated or annoyed when he took too long or called just to say he was going to bed, and I had wasted my night sitting there pining. Live your life, go out with your friends, it doesn't make you any less dedicated to your relationship.

2. Look at the positives.

It's hard to see anything positive about long distance dating at first. But for me, it was really important to find the good in it so that I didn't get bogged down in negativity. Balancing friends and relationships is hard. You either want to see your boyfriend but feel like you should be with your friends, or vice versa, and I know too many friendships who have been strained because they don't see each other enough once one of them gets a boyfriend (or girlfriend). I struggle with balancing this just as much as anyone else, so I like to look at Trevors time at Co-Op as quality time that I get to spend with my friends without being stressed about balancing the two. I'm really lucky that Trevor is incredibly supportive and understanding and never makes me feel bad about wanting to hang out with my friends, but still, it's much easier on me when I know I only have one place for my attention to go.

3. Be supportive.

When Trevor and I get opportunities to do things or go places that take away each other's time from one another, it can be hard to stay encouraging and supportive. But it's really important. The first couple of weeks when Trevor was at co-op were the hardest, because we were still adjusting and finding out what times we'd be able to talk, and how much. As Trevor got more settled in to his new environment, the more we talked and the easier and less stressful it became. So be patient. Let each other take advantage of the opportunities that surround you, and it will get easier as you both adjust.

4. It's harder to be the one who's left.

I've found it to be harder on me when Trevor leaves me to go somewhere, rather than when I leave him. I think this is because when you're the one leaving for a new experience, you're excited and have lots to look forward to. When you're being left, all you can pay attention to is what you're missing. Realize that this is normal, try not to harp on it, and move on.

5. Remember the little things.

Now that you're apart, the little things count the most. I would send Trevor cards in the mail every couple of weeks to just say I miss him or that I'm proud of him for being a big boy at work, and Trev would often greet me with a nice little text message in the morning. They are all things that just take a moment, but they change your whole day.

6. Have something to look forward to.

If possible, try to schedule visits to see each other on a fairly consistent basis. It doesn't mean it has to be every week, depending on how far apart you are, but consistent in terms of knowing if it will be 3 weeks until you see each other, a month, etc. Whatever it is, it's always nice and encouraging to have a day to look forward to.

After a couple of weeks, I felt surprisingly comfortable with the distance. In fact, it was going so well that I started to worry if it would be difficult to be together every day again! For the record, its not. I love it. And right now I'm questioning how in the world we'll ever do long distance all over again and I'll have to refer back to this post and follow my own advice.

'Til next time...

-C