Oh, mercy. This simple girl is feelin' frazzled.
I am entering the last 2 weeks of winter quarter (thank the LORD!) Between now and Spring Break I must:
1)Prepare/memorize a scene in class
2)Prepare/memorize a different scene for boards
3)Prepare/memorize a [shakespeare] monologue for boards
4)Finish/catch up on my Script Analysis work
5)Continue to go to Picnic rehearsals Sunday-Friday in the evening
6)Get 17 more hours of costuming lab hours in
7)Finish doing costume maintenance for Anything Goes this weekend
8) Attend classes M-F
9)Attend a masterclass on Saturday
10)And oh yeah...eat and sleep.
The truth is that I'm often too embarrassed to admit the things that are important to me.
I've always kind of beaten myself up for not being more "professionally" driven,
especially since that is what our generation focuses on so much.
I've always known what I wanted to do.
Act.
I've been going to performing art schools since I was 11.
But when I picture my future, acting on a stage is one of the last things that comes to mind.
The first thing I picture is a little humble home with someone I love,
coming home from work,
relaxing and spending time with my family.
I've always known this.
But I guess as I get older I realize the things I care about most.
I know that theatre and art will always be a big part of my life.
but thats exactly what they are.
a PART of my life.
There are so many things that make up someone's life.
I'm learning to open my eyes to all possibilities.
Whether that means teaching somewhere like Baltimore School for the Arts,
taking on a more administrative position in the theatre world,
or maybe going to hollywood right after graduation to act,
who knows?!
But I trust myself that I can make the right decision.
It doesn't mean other people have to agree with me.
Oh, to be Auggie.
A lot of times when I say these things, people get the impression that career and work aren't important to me. This couldn't be more untrue. Last year when I lived in Chicago, I learned A LOT about how work affects your attitude as a person. At least for me. CCM helped me find the actor in myself again, and I am so grateful. I need to feel like I'm doing something and being productive to feel good about myself. But I also need down time and time to see the people I care about to be happy. I am not a robot. I love performing, but I'm okay with admitting than I am more than just an actor. I'm glad. Because if I was nothing but an actor, I wouldn't be very good at my job. How can I expect to connect to people on stage if all I do is work in real life? I know there has to be a balance. I'm just still figuring out how to find it.
So I will work. I will work and work until I get everything on my to-do list done and I will go to rehearsal and focus on that instead of thinking about the million things I have to do when I get home, and i will push myself to stay up later than I usually do, even though it's hard for me to function when I don't get enough sleep. I will do all of that, because it's my job to do that right now.
But I will also take the time to talk to my mom, and to have dinner with Trevor, and to SHAVE MY LEGS for heavens sake. Because those are my human needs. And I am a human.
'Til next time...
-C
