The article is basically a transcript of questions and answers between readers, and the authors of a book (which I have not read yet) called Last One Down the Aisle Wins.
Now, I'd just like to say that it's apparent that these two ladies are very smart. One of them is even a licensed marriage and family therapist. But this article hit one of my nerves, because this is a topic that I feel like is always very one sided in today's society, and I felt the need to respond to it.
I think about marriage a lot.
There I said it.
(this doesn't mean I'm getting married tomorrow, or anytime soon, so please cool your jets.)
I'm just really fascinated by the concept of it. I don't entirely know why it is I'm so fascinated with it.
Perhaps it's because I have divorced parents, or perhaps it's because I'm a big sap or because I want to learn and understand what it's about as much as possible. I try to avoid talking about my feelings about it because it stirs up trouble and since I'm 20 years old, I tend to get a lot of heat for having it on the brain anyway. Luckily, I decided I don't give a hoot, so I'm gonna share anyway.
It's not that I disagree that you can really benefit from waiting to get married until you're in your 30's
(or at least close to them) it's that I disagree that this is the only way you can benefit. I'm not sure when marriage became the equivilant of death, but it sure seems like society is beginning to believe more and more that once women get married they become permanent fixtures in the kitchen and drop all aspirations for themselves. While a marriage is a huge responsibility, it's not the same thing as having a baby, and I believe two people are just as capable of traveling together and supporting each others goals and aspirations past the moment they say "I do." I don't think having aspirations to travel and have a great career have to cancel out marriage, I just think it's important to be with someone who understands your goals and who has cohesive ones.
I realize that yes, statistics are against you if you choose to get married before 25,
but stats aren't exactly stunning for marriages after that magical age either,
so clearly there is something more that's wrong in these marriages other than just their timing.
What I'm trying to say, is that I find it extremely unfair that society has started to guilt trip or ostracize women who think about marriage before they are in the age bracket that has been deemed appropriate.
Pressuring women to get married young and have babies as soon as possible isn't right by ANY means,
but then neither is making women feel bad about themselves if those truly are their aspirations. There are some women who are completely content with being a stay at home mom, and who couldn't find more joy from anything else in their life, so why are we making them feel bad? For the record, I'm not saying I, personally am one of those women, but rather that I understand and support that.
There's no one, formulaic way to live your life.
There is not one single timeline that will make everyone happy.
So why are we writing books telling people how to live their lives when we know nothing about them individually?
I have seen and read about marriages like Katie Browns from Confessions of a Young Married Couple, who was engaged at 20 and was married the summer after she graduated from college. I guarentee you, if you read her blog you'll understand why I see her relationship as one of the strongest and most committed marriages there is. It has reaffirmed my belief that commitment and understanding
of what marriage means is what makes you successful as a couple. Not being 32, or having already ticked off every country you've ever wanted to travel to off your list.
There are many, many ways to live your life.
I think we've accepted that not every 45 year old has had the same life experiences as each other or the same accomplishments. Perhaps it's time that we offer that same courtesy to those in their 20's.
By the way, I do actually plan to read this book because it's written by well educated women and I'm interested in what they have to say.
What do y'all think? Has anyone out there read this book?
-C
P.S. Check back tomorrow for a post on what I've learned about long distance relationships.
Of course, statistics just talk about people *in general* and each of us is a specific individual.
ReplyDeleteThat said, according to recent statistics from the Department of Health and Human Services, women who get married in their late teens or early 20s are more likely to be divorced in 10 years than those who wait until 25 or older.
Also, a number of studies show that couples who live together before marriage have a greater chance of becoming divorced/splitting up than do couples who do not live together before marriage.
A lot of food for thought!
I'm interested to heare more about the book, but as a woman that married at 21 and is loving every minute of it (even the sucky ones), I'm annoyed with the same principle.
ReplyDeleteI think it's dumb.
There - I said it.
I think it's a very personal decision and not something that should be dictated. I'm sure (in fact I know of a few) that some look at my marriage and think we were too young, or still are too young to be married. I don't care. We're thrilled at the fact that we aren't alone in life anymore and that we travel in 2s. Not just literally, but that we're never just 1 anymore.
I always have someone that's got my back, and the same goes for them. Sure we may have a "talk" later about how something was a stupid decision or whatever, but it's us against the world, ask questions later.
That's that.
You don't like it. Look the other way.
...and quit minding everyone else's business already, dang it!
Glad you wrote this - I'm SO with you. ;-)
I happen to agree with the fact that marriages can work even if they are started at a young age. Today's society looks negtively at young marriages because to them it so much better to get everything accomplished before you get married. It has no relevancy to them that marriage is something that should be agreed upon the two as to what it means and how it should be handled. I am 24 and I am married and catch a lot of flak for it.
ReplyDelete