{Lighten up, Cait}

I know I still haven't posted about my trip to Disney World, and the only reason I haven't is because there is a lot to cover (I was there for 6 days!) and I need to take the time to sit down and post pictures and get all my thoughts together, which has proved rather difficult lately. In times when you see me post less, it's typically because I feel scatterbrained and I don't know how to wrangle my thoughts together enough for a post that is the least bit comprehensible. But here is something I've been thinking about lately:

I need to lighten up.

It's pretty much as simple as that, and yet not all that simple to do. I admit, I have a lot of not terribly "light" things on my mind a lot, and it hasn't done awesome things for my personality, y'all. Perhaps that's why I have acquired this serious OBSESSION with traveling (or rather, dreaming about traveling) because I think that taking myself somewhere else that I've never been will somehow allow me to step out of the person that I am right now (stressed out and uptight) and be the person that I am at my core (adventurous and fun). When I was a kid I was this little dare devil mess that always had chocolate on my face and was always getting into things I shouldn't. You could tell me "no" and I would just look at you with this little mischevious grin as if to say "I hear youuu, but I'm going to pretend I donnntt" and slowly continue what I was previously doing. I used to be much more fearless. Not just when I was a little kid, but even just a few years ago. Now, the thoughts that are at the forefront of all of my decisions are based on what could go wrong and how to avoid problems or conflict. I've always been that way to a certain extent, but it feels like that's all I am now. There is no balance of the two. Everything feels like it must be practical, and while I do want to practice better discipline (something that I tend to lose after a while because I get antsy) I don't want to lose the side of me that knows how to LIVE. I have this constant tension between who I've practiced being for a while now (so much so that I thought for a while that that's who I really was) and who I really want to be and feel like I am.

So I need to find balance. I need to find a way to not always give into instant gratification but also to live in the moment. I need to find a way to be happy and lighthearted without ignoring reality or my problems. I need to find a way to laugh more than worry. Sitting and waiting for every problem to completely get better is a waste of time, because there will always be something holding you back from happiness if you let it.

So here's to lightening up...

p.s. i miss acting today. im going to go see a show soon.


hope you're all having a great week <3

-C

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{ Back to reality }

Hey, y'all!

I know I've been scarce in the blogosphere but I am alive and well. I got back from my Disney World trip on Sunday and have been doing some nannying for a friend of my Madre's. Now that it's beginning to settle in that I'm back from vacation and will be a permanent fixture in Texas for the next couple of months, it's about time to get back into a routine. I'm always much more productive when I have some type of schedule. If I don't, I end up watching Laguna Beach online and eating Shipley's Donuts (true story.)

So, on the to do list for getting my routine together goes something like this:

-Figure out a workout routine for the summer (as in, if I'm going to try to become a member at a gym which I really don't want to pay for, or if I can be creative and use the park for workouts and deal with the sweltering heat and/force myself to workout before the sun is blazing)

-Get Texas drivers license (dreading. dreading. dreading.)

-Get my room organized (hang up my clothes and stop living out of a suitcase)

-Apply/Respond to posts for a second nanny job

-Finish enrollment for one or two summer classes at the community college here (also dreading. dreading. dreading. I always feel like these processes will be way complicated)

-Open an account at a TX bank so I have somewhere to put the money I make this summer.

-Help my Madre get the new house painted and pretty.

-Find some way to be creative this summer. Perhaps volunteer at a theater if time permits.

-Get back to blogging =)

I have a lot of posts that I've been thinkin' up the past couple of days. Starting with a post on Disney World (I miss it already) so stay tuned!

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I've been browsing for inspiration for the outdoor space here at my Madre's, and came across this little lady. Don't you want to serve brunch here and sip iced tea? Lovely.

Talk to you soon,

C

{The Magic Kingdom}

Tomorrow I'm off to spend the next 5 nights with Treasure and his family in Disneyworld.

I CAN'T WAIT. It will be my first trip the world of Disney and I'm so incredibly excited to experience it, and even more so to spend time with Trevor and his gang. I feel so lucky to be included, and if I were already packed I would be ready to go RIGHT THIS INSTANT. I hate packing, by the way. I don't really know why. What is so hard about packing? But I hate it. I'm also terrible at it. I never pay attention to what I bring. I just throw things in a bag at the last minute and hope for the best. 

I'll be sure to post lots of pictures and details when I return. Until then I hope you're all enjoying the summer and that this week treats you well <3

-C

{something I'm working on.}

amen.

{Oy.}

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 This picture has no relevance to this post other than it makes me a happy camper so I felt like I should look at it. And this entry is a wee bit of a downer so I figured a cute puppy face could balance it out.

My motivation is generally on the brink of slim to none right now.

I'm so close to going home, and yet these last few days are kill-in me. 

Balance is hard. I've been trying to pay a lot of attention to myself the past few months and what I need through counseling, and though I've learned so much about myself, I'm now afraid I'm becoming self absorbed. Which is the opposite of what I was previously, but it looks like it might be time to try to find the middle ground.

Perhaps it was just too much pizza and wine at dinner, but either way tonight I'm just feelin' a little low. Feelin' the effects of the end of Spring quarter. Feelin' the effects of a yucky dinner and a crappy workout today. Feelin' the effects of a long distance relationship and stupid arguments that still leave you feeling bummed after they're resolved. Feelin' the effects of missing my family. FEELIN it y'all.

Ah well. I've got a million and one things to finish tomorrow, so it's time to get some sleep and keep on going. C'mawwwn Tuesday. 

-C