Here I go...

I know I've written before about feeling stuck,
and I'm sorry to sound like a broken record.
I'm trying to remember that sweet little saying that my granny told me:
"Bloom Where You're Planted"
But why does it sound so much easier coming from my granny?
I've had some feelings building about my current educational/career path,
but I never bring it up with anyone because I think I just sound like a big baby.

But the time has come and I feel like I need to talk about it.
So why not discuss it with the blogosphere?

I think it was one of the smartest decisions I've ever made to come to UC.
It took me to CCM, which even though ended up not being right for me, taught me a whole heck of a lot about what I want in my life and what I don't, what is important to me and what I can live without.
I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.
It's also led me to some of the most amazing friends that I'll ever have.
Some amazing nights that I could never, ever forget.
In that way alone, it has brought me back to life.

I haven't been in this good of a place in what feels like a very, very long time.
I feel like I have a good handle on what I want out of my future,
I feel so happy and relaxed about my relationship finally, and I cannot tell you how good that feels.

But there is something missing from all of this.
I've learned so much about what I want to do, and yet I feel stuck.
I feel like its all out of my reach.
It was hard to notice how limited with opportunities I was when I came to Cincinnati because I was going to CCM, where your opportunities are found much easier. Most of them are offered to you with a nice little bow on it, and while the program is incredibllyyyy grueling,
it's also very sheltered and comforting.

So while I'm thrilled and SO excited about all of the other paths that I feel like I have yet had the chance to explore, I have worries and stresses, still. I love going to UC for a lot of reasons. But as a Communications major-my education is a little lack luster, if you will. UC has some great programs, like CCM, DAAP, Engineering, etc. But being a regular Arts and Sciences student has been sort of ho-hum so far. Granted, it's still early, so who knows what will change. I just know that right now I feel stifled and unsatisfied, and I don't like that I feel that way.

 I'm worried that I won't graduate on time because I switched my major and will be stuck in Cincinnati while all of my friends go off and become real people.
I'm worried that in order to graduate on time I'll have to spend every summer taking classes and that I'll never get to intern or travel to the places that I want to.
I really want to intern at an event company or at The Knot, but I just don't know how I ever will.
I really want to study abroad but I'm too nervous that it will mess up my credits and push back my graduation date.

I hate the way that I sound right now.
Like I'm too big for my britches.
Because I am not.
I feel so lucky to be here, and to my parents for helping me pay for college and for supporting me through every decision I've made to get here.

I'm just hopelessly fantasizing because that's what I do.
And sort of kicking myself in the shin because I wish I had realized how lucky I was to have so much opportunity right outside my door when I was living in Chicago.
I was so bogged down with other, personal things that I barely noticed that I was in one of the most amazing cities there is.

And I'm sure when I graduate I'll be kicking myself in the shin for complaining about UC.

Why do we always learn these lessons after the fact, y'all?

-C