Things you learn.

I was always one of those girls who completely romanticized the idea of ending up with your first love.
I loved the idea of falling in love and staying in love until death do you part (sorry to sound so scary...)
Factoring in break ups or hiccups or heartbreak was never really a part of the equation I had in mind
(and well, DUH. who ever does?), if I could have had it my way
(my way being the romanticized movie of my life that I usually have playing in my head.)
I remember growing up and always hearing people say that you never forget your first love.
I actually remember seeing a movie ( I feel like it involved Mandy Moore, but don't take my word for it) about a girl who was seeking answers about her first love, and her mother told her  that after you get your heart broken the first time, "you'll never love the same way."
"Not that you'll love less," she said "but you'll love differently."
And I remember the whole audience of women whole heartedly agreeing and nodding and murmuring things like "So true" under their breath.

I really hated this idea. And what I hated the most was how inevitable everyone made it sound.
Like I might as well just start stockin' up on the Ben and Jerry's and chick flicks now because my first love WOULD break my heart and I WOULD forever be changed by it.

Well, the truth is, they were right. I did get my heart broken (dun dun dun),
and when Trevor and I got back together over a year later
(I know most of you who actually know us are probably like WHAT/HUH? I dont ever remember you being apart that long. That's because we weren't, we did the ever so productive and healthy Rachel and Ross back and forth until something clicked and we realized that wasn't gonna cut it)
So I guess the more appropriate thing to say would be when Trevor and I legitimately got back together over a year later, I got my first taste of entering a relationship actually understanding the repercussions of what could happen. I didn't blindly think that Trevor and I would just magically be together forever or that our biggest fights would be about things as mundane and unthreatening as Trevor not liking red spaghetti sauce (true story. we fought about that. ill tell you about it another time.)

Anyway, the point is, that before this year,
I (sort of secretly, because I knew deep down it was naive of me) was really jaded about relationships that came after your first love. Of course now that I see things a bit clearer,
I am all "thank the LORD that person didn't end up in their first relationship"
because there are plenty of first boyfriends and girlfriends that don't deserve to have you for the rest of your life. But I had that whole "you'll never love the same way again" comment engraved in my mind and feared that everything I experienced afterwards would be settling.

Now that I see what it's like to love again after losing love (even if it's with the same person),
I've come to deeply appreciate second, third, fourth, fifth loves,
where you are so conscious about what you're getting into that you can
(consciously or unconsciously) say to yourself
"I know this man could stick my heart in a blender--but shoot, I'm gonna go for it anyway."

And these days, I don't think love is blind.
At least not my love.
I think my love is clear eyed, and knows the great possibilities as well as the bad possibilities,
but the part that counts is that I'm in it anyway.
And really, what could be more romantic than that?


-C



**So I have been drafting all sorts of blog entries lately and have had an impossible time finishing them. This one was drafted two weeks ago! So help me out. Vote on the poll on the right hand side for which blog entry you want to read about the most, and that will be the one that I finish and post next. Thanks, y'all!**

Stuck.

Do y'all ever feel stuck?
I do.
It's always been my personality to get bored pretty quickly.
I like adventures and new cities and traveling,
and though I love this little cincinnati area and everything it's given me,
I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

Maybe it will be different when and if I have a vehicle and can explore more areas,
but this two block radius has become my UNIVERSE, and quite frankly, it just ain't cuttin it.

When Trevor and I went to Toronto for my birthday,
I was so amazed at how much there was to do just right outside of our hotel!
I completely forgot what it felt like to walk outside and have so many options right at your feet.
I'm not bashing Cincinnati, because to be honest, I know NOTHING about this city.
Yes, I go to school here but I only ever explore campus, so my knowledge is limited.

But I literally have been having these fantasies about what it would be like to be in a vibrant city with opportunities galore and adventures on every corner.
I know that is completely glamour-ized, because I DID live in Chicago last year and definitely learned that just because you live in a great city with tons to do, doesn't mean that you can afford to partake in it.

Cincinnati has housed amazing memories for me so far,
and I appreciate all of the wonderful times I've had and am still having here.
I just sometimes feel a little empty, like something is missing.
Especially since I left CCM. Not because it's CCM that I feel like I'm missing,
but because I don't have as much HERE for me anymore.
I mean, I love my friends that I've made and I wouldn't trade them for the world,
and having Trevor here is amazing, but he's also gone half of the year doing exciting things in new places, and I just tend to feel a little stuck in the mud.

I know there will be plenty of new adventures ahead of me.
And in fact, I'm starting to look into my study abroad options as we speak
(which would be a nice little thing to check off of my 25 before 25 list)
So I know there will be plenty of opportunities for me, I just have to work a little harder to find them.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Am I alone in this little club?

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

'Til next time...

-C

Do me a favor :)

Go on www.olioboard.com

and vote in the Retro Challenge for Trevor's board titled "Retro Living"

Go, Go, Go!!!

You'll be my favorite person.

AND if you are a fan of interior anything, you'll love exploring this site anyway.

Thanks :)


-C

If only.

Its ridiculous how many blog posts I have started and NOT finished this week.

I don't know what my deal is lately, y'all.

I just cannot seem to finish a single post.

I get stumped halfway through and can't figure out how to continue!

Basically...

THERE IS TOO MUCH TO SAYYYY.

I start one post and halfway through it end up talking about something else
and so on and so forth.
and nothing ever gets completed.

lord almighty.



does this happen to anyone else?

Home Sweet Home.

One of my favorite parts of Apartment Therapy is that it focuses on featuring small spaces 

that have been turned into functional, cozy homes. 

Since the two major cities to reside in as an actor are Los Angeles and New York- the task of finding an affordable, comfortable apartment can seem a little daunting. 

But AT proves that any space (no matter how small) can feel like home.

So, for anyone out there who has just moved into a shoebox-here's a little inspiration for ya thanks to Apartment Therapy, who featured Natalie's 285 square foot San Francisco Apartment.

lovelovelove.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

See you tomorrow <3

-C

Blog Love

Time to shine a little spotlight on a new addition to the blogosphere.

Any fashion gurus out there?

If so, hop on over to my sisters new fashion blog, Pastiche.
She's a twenty something girl with some fashion inspiration out the wazoo for you
that (most of the time) won't clean out your wallet.

via 599 fashion

Enjoy!

-C

Productivity

Today I will:

1) Go to the gym.

2) Do laundry.

3) Go to CVS.

4) Write the blog post that I tried to write all last night but somehow couldn't.

5) WELCOME TREVOR HOMEEE(ish)! :) 

Check back a little later for a new post, but until then, here's a little eye candy for you since I missed Wedding Wednesday this week. Forgive me, between working and working OUT I hardly have the energy to make myself dinner these days. But I'm workin on it, y'all :)

all photos from martha stewart weddings.

Aren't these great alternatives to floral centerpieces?

I fear the day that I get a new car because I'm 99.9% sure my first stop will be a craft store and a flower shop so that I can set the table 40 different ways in a week. What is it about table settings that make my heart go pitter patter?


'Til next time...




-C

Wants and Needs.

When I was in the 3rd grade and we were learning about "Home Economics,"
we learned a great deal about the difference between "Wants and Needs."

Well, apparently I really took to that information because for the rest of year
when someone in my family (like my sister) would say
that they were going to buy something from the store (take lipstick for example)
I would proudly and seriously say "That is a WANT not a NEED, Sissy!"

Since then I've sort of blurred the line between wants and needs.
Today I compiled a little list of things that I "need" to buy,
and while some people could argue this is more of a want list, I have decided that it is, indeed,
a NEED list because they are things that I think about so often.

1) Coffeemaker (so I can stop spending my money on Starbucks)

2) Running Shoes (my old ones are really worn and also currently really hurting my toe after I workout)

3) Laura Mercier Illuminating Tinted Moisturizer (I love wearing tinted moisturizer in the summer because I hate wearing heavy makeup in the heat, plus this stuff should make your skin ga-low, according to reviewers)

4) Bathing Suit ( My current bathing suit that I have both pieces to has these really obnoxious tie things that stress me out. I'd like a lil' simplicity please. Also, I'd preferably like one that would make me look like Alessandra. Awesome.)

5) Teeth Whitening Strips ( Just cause)


So. Ya know, all in all, I'd say that's not an over the top list.
Hopefully I'll get some of these items checked off as the next couple of weeks go on.



Anything on your "wants and needs" list?





'Til next time...




-C

workin it out.

I've always tried to work out pretty consistently,
and sometimes I'm even successful at this.
But starting this week, Jordan and I are buckling down.
We have a fridge full of healthy food,
and today we made our first trip to the gym since turning over our new leaf.

Well let me just say,
that although I am not one of those girls that CAN'T work out (my hips don't lie),
I. hate. it.


To be fair, I don't hate ALL of it.
There are parts that I only dislike, rather than hate.
I don't mind a few bicep curls,
I actually enjoy sit ups,
and squats aren't the worst thing in the world.

But running?
Running.
I just don't like it.
I have tried.
I do it. Pretty often.
I even run fairly far distances so it's not like I haven't given it a chance.
But that "runners high" that everyone talks about?
I'd like to know how to get that.
Because the greatest runners high I've ever gotten
is simply not wanting to bang my head in the pavement when I'm finished.

Maybe in a few weeks I'll feel differently.

'Til next time...

-C

Kids say the darndest things.

Yesterday as I was checking out of the grocery store, the little girl in front of me decided to strike up a little conversation.

Girl: "What's your name?"

Me: "I'm Caitlin, what your name?"

Girl: "Brittany. How many kids do you have Caitlin?"

Me: "Oh, I actually don't have any kids yet!"

Girl: "You don't? So you're all alone?"

Me: "Well, yes, I guess so..."

Girl: " So you don't have anybody but yourself?"

Me: "Well...um...I do have a roommate..."

Girl: (silent, and not impressed with this)

And then I smiled and said it was nice to meet you, and hurried along to the taxi with Jordan to load our groceries.

A bit o' this, A bit o' that

This week has been madness, so therefore my blog suffers. Here's what's been happenin'.

-I finished school. THANK THE HEAVENS. Mr. Motivation had left me long before it was supposed to, but somehow I stumbled through and now it's summertime.

-I moved out of my stinky ol' dorm and into a darling apartment with Jordan (one of my favorite people) for the summer. I'm just subletting a room from Jordan's wonderful roommate, and it's very exciting not to be in a dungeon anymore.

-I ordered pizza for Jordan and me 2 days ago, but we ended up having a lot of leftovers. We decided that when the pizza is gone we have to start eating healthy together. We're down to one slice. Gulp.

-Trevor comes home for the summer in 8 days! I'm tha-rilled.

-Something about summer nights makes me actually feel like a young, college student, and it's kind of nice :)


'Til next time folks...

-C

Pretty Obsessions.

I'm falling in love with letter press prints these days.

via made by girl

via made by girl

I want these in my room. 

Also. 

I think I'd like to be a professional hostess/table setter for a living, please.

via martha stewart

Carnations don't usually get much credit, but I love the way they look en masse.

via martha stewart

'Til next time...

-C

Here's to moving forward.

The year is coming to an end and I honestly can't believe how fast it flew. 

I feel like just yesterday I was packing up the car to move in to my dorm, and now I'm packing to move out of it 

(NOT that I am complaining about that part) 

When I was walking back from Kroger today, 

I had a flashback of my first day in Cincinnati when my Mom had just left

 and I decided to walk to Kroger to buy myself some flowers to brighten up the dungeon that is Calhoun Hall.

I was so many things that day.

I was so excited to finally be in college. 

I was scared to be at CCM because I had no idea what to expect.

I felt awkward because Trevor came to school in Cincinnati first and while I never liked to admit it-it took me a while to understand that this could be my school too, and I didn't need to feel embarrassed for wanting to go here.

My life has done a complete 180 in the last year.

The girl who walked to Kroger in September to buy flowers for her dingy dorm room is not the same girl that is getting ready to move out.

Somehow or another, I am now a communications student.

Somehow or another, Trevor and I navigated our relationship back to a point that I feared we'd never be at again.

Somehow or another, I feel confident in where I am and where I'm going (even though I'm still not entirely sure where that is)

Last night, I saw the CCM Freshman Showcase, and 

Real Talk: it was also the first night since I left CCM that I really missed it. 

I was really sad seeing my class up there performing, because while I was incredibly proud and amazed by the entire performance, I couldn't believe that I wasn't apart of it.

 It honestly feels like a dream sometimes because I can't believe how everything has turned out. 

Note: I said dream, not nightmare.

As I sat with my class last night at Shanghai Mamas drinking cosmos and engaging in girl talk and my fellow friends talked about how they "survived" and "made it through" their first year, I felt a slight twinge of embarrassment and fear that maybe, I had failed. I didn't survive it or make it through CCM and while I don't regret my decision, last night was the first time that I actually thought "what if I had?"

And it's true. I didn't make it through CCM,

or CCM didn't make it through me,

but I did make it through my first year of college with a handful of new lessons,

a ton of new memories,

hundreds of new blog posts, 

more options for myself than I've ever had, 

a relationship that I'm proud of, 

and a whole lot of new friends that I wouldn't trade for anything.

I don't know what lies ahead of me, 

and obviously trying to determine that is useless

because clearly, life doesn't turn out the way that you plan it to.

And for the first time in my life, I'm learning to be okay with that.

Please excuse my absence.

Can't. talk. now.
So. much. to. do.
Finals.
Papers.
Moving.
Etc.
Will update when brain can function properly this weekend.
Stay tuned.
Lots of blog goodies coming your way ;).

-C