{ a letter to myself }

I leave for Chicago in just three more sleeps. I cannot even fathom how much I have to do before I leave, but aside from that, I keep reflecting on how different this journey in Chicago will be than my last one. My career direction has entirely shifted, and I've grown so much over the last few years. When I lived in Chicago before, I was just 18 years old. 18 and clueless. 

Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself clueless on many subjects, but I am beginning to finally figure myself out.

As a reminder to make this summer the best that it can possibly be, no matter what else is going on in life, I wrote a letter to my 18 year old self living in Chicago

Dear little Caitlin, 
Stop spending so much time with that eyeliner.  You look better without it anyway. Don't try to control every detail of your life because things change constantly and soon enough those plans won’t matter. Go to the auditions that you look at every morning. You’re good enough. Go for a run, but not because you need to be any thinner or to impress anyone else, but because it will help you get out and see the beautiful city you live in,  and that will make you feel alive again. Do not live life for anyone else. Stop sitting in your teeny apartment listening to sad love songs, because those dont fix anything. I know it hurts, but I promise it will get better. Maybe not tonight, but sooner than you think, if you just let it.

I want to tell you that you. are. beautiful. No matter how inadequate you feel. And not because of the way you look, but because of who you are.  I want to tell you that it’s a good thing to love with your whole heart, but make sure you save room for yourself. Make decisions that will bring you happiness. Follow your instincts. I know you think that’s what you’re doing, but you aren’t. Oh Caitlin, you aren’t.

Stop after the fourth cocktail, and leave the camera at home. Those pictures shouldn’t make Facebook.

Above all, wherever you go in life, take the good with you and leave the rest behind. You are young. And you have the world at your feet.

The good news is that I am only just beginning on my journey. I am nervous and sad to leave Trevor, my friends, and my cozy apartment for three months, but also so excited to see all the ways in which a summer that I used to only dream about will help me grow in the direction of so many of my goals. 

So here's to summer, white wine, taking chances, and living life to the fullest. Cheers.

-C 

photo via Vern Kellie's Iphoneography