whats next?

This past weekend was my cousin Whitney's wedding in New Orleans, and it was simply awesome. I can't wait to tell you more about that weekend as soon as I get some pictures, but I'd just like to say that there are few couples that you look at and just get a feeling in your stomach that they are right, no doubts, no if ands or buts. Whitney and Jeff are one of those couples and I'm so happy my cousin has ended up with a guy like him. I hope all of the awesome women in my family never ever settle.

Anyway, during the weekend in Nola, Trevor and I got to talking on a walk to get lunch one morning about if we were applying to colleges now if we would choose the same major or school as we've chosen. 

It got me thinkin'.

I don't regret my decision to come to Cincinnati, I am grateful that I ended up here. 

It's brought me so many amazing things.

 But it's interesting if I were to apply to college now,

 I would look for completely different attributes than I did before.

Before, I was looking for a program for a BFA program for acting.

That ended up being completely wrong for me, and looking back, I see the clues in why it was wrong all along. It just took a big dose of reality for me to truly recognize it. I think for a long time, that was exactly what I wanted and it was exactly what was right for me. But I've grown into someone who doesn't suit that life and doesn't have the willpower to try to fit into it anymore. 

I do miss it sometimes. And usually when I do, it's an overwhelming amount of missing that sort of pangs in my stomach and makes me feel really sad that it ended up being so wrong for me.

 I have some of my happiest memories in theater, and I still find it to be so essential to who I am that I'm sometimes afraid to lose it. But I've learned that the reasons I loved theater wouldn't take me far enough to turn it into my full time career. I love performing and I love connecting. I love giving someone in the audience the gift of being able to relate to something a character says or does to let them know they aren't alone. I love inspiring people or at the very least, leaving them with a happy heart for an hour and a half. 

But my priorities have shifted a lot in the last couple of years, and they no longer suit a career in acting. So there's that.

Whewww. There's a tangent I didn't mean to go on.

Anyway, the point is, after I left the acting program I was almost instantly a lot happier 

(which was a relief).

I just felt lighter. I was excited for all of the new options I had. (I was also terrified)

But shortly after I started to feel empty in some way. 

I was taking these really lack luster, boring classes, that didn't challenge me at all. 

I don't like this about myself but I really need to be challenged to be really successful. 

It's the best way for me to really stay on top of things.

If it becomes too easy I become too lazy.
I had all of this creative energy still and I wasn't sure how to channel it.
Theater wasn't feeling right anymore but I also wasn't content just sitting at my desk doing administrative jobs at work. I wasn't sure what to do.

Which brings me to my point. There is something that I've found really interesting in all of this change,
and it relates to blogging, actually.

I used to use blogging as a way to stay connected to "normal" life. I loved reading blogs about families and marriage or just whatever was going on in regular, everyday lives, because when I really started blogging, that is what I felt so far away from. I was surrounded by theater and school and artists, and while that has perks of it's own, my heart started to fear what taking that route could possibly make me miss out on down the line.

But now, I use blogging mostly as a way to stay connected to art and design and creativity. I love to scour the internet for design blogs. Nothing makes me feel quite the way I do when I see a beautiful table setting or a warm, inviting interior. Blogging has fed that desire to be connected to creativity when I wasn't sure where else to put it.

I've been updating this poor blog less and less and it breaks my little heart.
Most of what has been going on in my life wasn't really right for blogging.
 I like to be open, but there are boundaries and unfortunately,
posting about a lot that has been going on would have been crossing a line.
I've been really drained this quarter and I'm ecstatic to see a new year rolling around.
 I'm feeling really positive and hopeful about what 2011 will offer me and my family.

So, with the new start of 2011 I've decided to revamp this blog to hopefully help it fit in better with where my life is leading and what I hope to get out of blogging. I'm going to dedicate a lot of my winter break to getting it redesigned and set up and I'm so excited!

Are y'all gearing up for the new year too? Have some changes in the making?

By the way...I don't know about y'all but it was a great day for hot cocoa here in Cincinnati. Mmm.

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'Til next time...

-C