One blow from caving in.

I've been trying to write this blog post probably as much as I've been trying NOT to write it.

Most of what's been going on in my life, as I've mentioned, is not really for the blogosphere.

So I won't be specific in any way, but shoot, sometimes a girl has just gotta blog it out ya know?

I think that if you read this blog or know me at all, you are aware that I love Christmas.

Love probably isn't even the right word.

I adore Christmas.

It can do no wrong in my eyes.

I don't care that it crowds the mall or that people get annoyed with Christmas songs.

It's perfect in every way and you can't change my mind about it.

Which is why this Christmas is really hard for me.

Because right now, I don't feel very spirited.

I feel sad.

I don't feel very hopeful.

I feel like sailing away to a desert island so I don't have to think about anything at all.

I feel more bogged down in GOO that I've ever felt in my entire life.

And my gosh, I hope this is as much "goo" as I will ever come across at one time.

I don't know why the world "goo" seems appropriate, but it does.

I guess because when I think of goo I think of something disgusting and slimy that is all over you and it won't come off no matter how much you scrub at it.

That's what this feels like.

No matter how many solutions I think I've found or how many right turns I think I make,

it feels like I keep coming to the exact same spot.

The holidays are so important to me because of what they represent.

When I was growing up, I just always remember being happy at Christmas.

There were plenty of other hard times, but Christmas time always felt magical.

And that's what I want to believe in more than anything in the world right now.

Magic. Hope. Faith.

So tonight, I'm sad.

and I don't feel in the Christmas spirit.

In fact, it doesn't feel like Christmas time at all to me.

But things change every single day.

As quickly as something bad happens, something good can happen just as fast.

And I know that after everything my family has been through this past year,

we are due for many, many good days down the road.

I know Katy Perry isn't the most talented singer, but I'm living for her song "Firework" right now.

It makes me smile (and/or cry) every dang time I hear it.

"If you only knew what the future holds,

After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

Til next time...

-C