{ words for your week }

The only real new years resolution that I set for myself this year was to stop apologizing for myself and the things I wanted. I'm a really easily embarrassed person and I really started to notice that this was causing some major compromises for the things that I wanted in my life. I started blogging in 2009, but it was really only this year that I started stepping outside of my comfort zone and tweeting/regularly commenting with other bloggers. Before then, I had told myself that if I tried to reach out and interact, I would look like a doofus. I just felt really insignificant and timid, which is something that I think many bloggers can relate to. But it wasn't just with blogging. There have been countless posts, tweets or advertisements about job opportunities/internships that I talked myself out of even applying for. Every time I saw something that sounded like a great opportunity I would silently and sub-conciously apologize to myself. "Sorry to disappoint you, I know that sounds amazing, but it's just not going to happen."

As I'm writing it out this all sounds rather dramatic, but it's really the truth of the matter. I just didn't realize it for so long because these thoughts and apologies became so habitual that I started not to even notice them anymore. But my frustration grew and grew as I continued to watch opportunity after opportunity pass by. Finally, I became tired enough of feeling like an audience member in my own life that I decided to change my attitude. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but at the start of this year, I made it my goal to stop apologizing, and start trying. 

I've surprised myself with how much this new thought process has changed my life. I take my goals and aspirations more seriously instead of just dismissing them, and whaddya know, because of that, it seems that others do too. A few weeks ago I applied for a summer internship with Jess Constable, designer and founder at Jess LC, Makeunder My Life and the Business with Intention Workshops. Interning with Jess was something that had been floating around in my head since I first discovered her in 2009, but I honestly never, ever thought it would happen. But it is. I'm going to Chicago in June to be her intern. This, coupled with a couple of other exciting things coming up, makes me feel like I must be reading someone else's blog or looking in at someone else's life. To some people, these opportunities may not seem monumental, but they are to me. They remind me that the first step to getting what you want is stop apologizing for it.