As someone who spends tons of time in the blog world, I can easily admit that sometimes reading blogs written by incredibly successful, creative people who live in the most fantastic cities and wear the most beautiful clothes and live in the most perfect homes, it's easy to get overwhelmed by how far behind I feel.
My current reality is that I'm a college student, on a shoestring budget, living in Cincinnati, OH. Sometimes I get dressed in gym clothes every morning for a week. I love my apartment but there are plenty of gaps where furniture should go that I haven't been able to fill yet. I don't currently have enough money for an SLR camera or photoshop and I don't have a custom blog design or thousands of readers. (All in due time.)
But in the moments when I think about all of that, I try to remember that everyone starts somewhere. And instead of letting reality discourage me, I'll just dream through it and work hard and wait until I get on the other side. Sometimes my favorite thing in the world is to look back at some of the most successful bloggers very first post that they ever wrote. It's so interesting to see how they grow and progress over time.
There was a long period of my life where I felt utterly uninspired and lost. And it's interesting, because looking back, I'm not sure I realized how uninspired I really was. Getting involved in blogging and interior design (a word that always makes me nervous, because I've never been educated in design whatsoever) has made me excited again. It terrifies me because it's not where I'm comfortable. I don't always know what I'm talking about. I just know that I rearrange my furniture 3 times a week because I want to see all the different ways I can utilize the space and I am never completely satisfied with it. When I was an actor, I remember teachers always talking about the complete dissatisfaction of being an artist. In a good way. How artists and actors always feel like there could be more to discover. I loved acting. And I miss it, still. And I get nervous and scared the further it gets from my life. But I don't think I ever felt that same dissatisfaction with acting. I've had a lot of experiences in my life that have led to me being a really compassionate, emotional person. And I think that's what made acting come really naturally to me. Don't get me wrong, y'all, I'm not saying I'm Meryl Streep. I just mean that on the most basic level, things came very organically to me. And then when I got to college, I could feel myself hitting a wall and feeling uncomfortable and tense in my training, because I had already taken it as far as I was meant to. I just didn't know it at the time. And even though the ease that I used to feel with it is part of what I miss so much, it's also part of what I think makes me want to go another direction.
For the first time in a long time, I feel overwhelmed by my goals instead of the lack of them. Next summer, I want to intern/work or formally educate myself in this field that I'm getting more and more immersed in everyday. And I want to do that somewhere inspiring. Which means it will cost money. Which means I need to work my buttewski off to make this reverie a reality.
Thank you if you hung in there and read all of that. I was not anticipating making this post a short story but sometimes these things happen, eh?
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. Oh, and my camera charger was located! I left it at home in Texas but it should be mailed to me any day now, so keep your eyes peeled for new pictures. Lovelovelove to all of you!
-C
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