Here's to moving forward.

The year is coming to an end and I honestly can't believe how fast it flew. 

I feel like just yesterday I was packing up the car to move in to my dorm, and now I'm packing to move out of it 

(NOT that I am complaining about that part) 

When I was walking back from Kroger today, 

I had a flashback of my first day in Cincinnati when my Mom had just left

 and I decided to walk to Kroger to buy myself some flowers to brighten up the dungeon that is Calhoun Hall.

I was so many things that day.

I was so excited to finally be in college. 

I was scared to be at CCM because I had no idea what to expect.

I felt awkward because Trevor came to school in Cincinnati first and while I never liked to admit it-it took me a while to understand that this could be my school too, and I didn't need to feel embarrassed for wanting to go here.

My life has done a complete 180 in the last year.

The girl who walked to Kroger in September to buy flowers for her dingy dorm room is not the same girl that is getting ready to move out.

Somehow or another, I am now a communications student.

Somehow or another, Trevor and I navigated our relationship back to a point that I feared we'd never be at again.

Somehow or another, I feel confident in where I am and where I'm going (even though I'm still not entirely sure where that is)

Last night, I saw the CCM Freshman Showcase, and 

Real Talk: it was also the first night since I left CCM that I really missed it. 

I was really sad seeing my class up there performing, because while I was incredibly proud and amazed by the entire performance, I couldn't believe that I wasn't apart of it.

 It honestly feels like a dream sometimes because I can't believe how everything has turned out. 

Note: I said dream, not nightmare.

As I sat with my class last night at Shanghai Mamas drinking cosmos and engaging in girl talk and my fellow friends talked about how they "survived" and "made it through" their first year, I felt a slight twinge of embarrassment and fear that maybe, I had failed. I didn't survive it or make it through CCM and while I don't regret my decision, last night was the first time that I actually thought "what if I had?"

And it's true. I didn't make it through CCM,

or CCM didn't make it through me,

but I did make it through my first year of college with a handful of new lessons,

a ton of new memories,

hundreds of new blog posts, 

more options for myself than I've ever had, 

a relationship that I'm proud of, 

and a whole lot of new friends that I wouldn't trade for anything.

I don't know what lies ahead of me, 

and obviously trying to determine that is useless

because clearly, life doesn't turn out the way that you plan it to.

And for the first time in my life, I'm learning to be okay with that.