{ guidelines, not deadlines }

Since starting my decorating business a few months ago, there have been so many rewarding moments. Sometimes I stare at my inbox and the fact that I have any emails at all from people who want to work with me just still astounds me and fills my heart with so much joy. So on that note, thank you. Thank you to each and every one of you.

And then there are weeks like this. Weeks where I feel so entirely, completely incompetent that I wonder why anyone hires me to begin with. Weeks where I beat myself up because I didn't nail a design board on the first try. Weeks that I do nothing but doubt myself and my ability to be in this profession. Weeks that I look at all the things I have yet to do to make myself more "official" as a designer/decorator and so I feel silly and small. Weeks that I dwell on the fact that I don't have an apartment right now. Weeks that I dwell on the fact that every time I think I'm getting closer to getting one it seems like a million expenses are thrown at me, making it feel light years away before I will ever get one. Weeks that I miss my friends and Trevor so much my heart hurts and I wish I was back in Cincinnati, hanging out with him and watching a movie in my little apartment that I left behind.

But the truth is, there is a learning curve with changes that are this big. I've never had my own business before, obviously. So as much faith as I have in my abilities and as much as I really, truly do believe that I have something great to offer my clients (I do! promise!) of course I am still learning. Of course I am still figuring things out. And while, yes, I should own my strengths and abilities and be confident in my work, if I was so arrogant to think that everything I do is perfect and that I already know how everything works, no one would want to work with me to begin with. 

So, instead of dwelling on these things that I have yet to accomplish or figure out, I will do my best to celebrate that I have had the opportunity to work with gracious, funny, smart, sweet clients who love what I do. I will celebrate the fact that I have collaborated and worked with people like Alaina and Danielle and Jess. I will celebrate the fact that my portfolio is growing, (and it will be shared as soon as it can be). I will celebrate that I am living with an amazing family who has so kindly opened up their home to me for the past three and a half months and continues to do so everyday. I will celebrate that I have a boyfriend who is willing to spend his weekends driving back and forth to see me when he can, and is supportive and encouraging of what I'm doing. I will celebrate the fact that I have amazing friends in many cities. And I will celebrate the fact that I'm in my early twenties. That I'm learning. That I get to cut myself a little slack because I'm young and brand spankin' new to "the real world."

A few weeks ago, I was talking with two friends about how one of them is planning to move to New York for her career. I kept pressing my friend with questions about the date of her move, and after about the fifth time that I brought it up, her friend finally reminded me that life is about "guidelines, not deadlines." 

So that is what I will do. I will give myself guidelines for my career and life, and as long as I stay focused on those goals, they will come to fruition, without the added pressure of a looming deadline to make me stressed and anxious. 

And on that note, I'm off to work on a few projects (I am happy to say I currently have a full client load!). How lucky I am to be doing this. I cannot wait to share what I've been working on! If you're interested in a design service or signing up for the waitlist, be sure to email me.

Hope you all have a wonderful day. lovelovelove.

-C

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