Today on The Everygirl, Jess Constable is sharing her latest Living Well column, discussing the recent lesson she learned about the importance of balancing friendships and family with your relationship. It is so well said and a topic that I think most of us can relate to, and it got me thinking about my own relationship.
When it came to making my decision to stay in Chicago, there were obviously many things to consider, but one of the biggest things weighing on my mind was my relationship with Trevor.
At this point, Trevor and I have been together for about six years. Our relationship is clearly extremely important to me. However, when I started my summer here in Chicago, I quickly fell back in love with the windy city and started seeing more potential for my career than I had ever anticipated. Because I knew my financial situation wouldn't allow me to return to school in Cincinnati, I had to make the decision to either stay in Chicago and see what it had in store for me and my career, or return to Cincinnati and finish out the year in my apartment with Trevor and all of my college friends.
The thing is, I've made decisions before based entirely on what would benefit my relationship, even if I knew that those decisions weren't always the best thing for me as an individual. While I think sacrifices in relationships are important and oftentimes necessary (especially later in life when you're married, have children, etc) I also know that in the end, if Trevor and I are not fulfilled or happy as individuals first, our relationship suffers, even when the intention is to better it. I have found myself in the past unhappy and putting too much pressure on my relationship to "complete" me when I've put my own needs and aspirations aside because I worried they would stand in the way of us.
Funnily enough, even though Trevor and I are long-distance right now, our relationship feels stronger than ever because we are both taking care of ourselves, and in turn, taking care of our relationship. I'm lucky that he supports me and loves seeing me happy, doing what I love, and moving forward with my life. Yes, I could have returned to Cincinnati and returned to my apartment right down the street from him and we could have hung out every single night together. But would it be worth it if every time he saw me I was moping about the loss of opportunity in Chicago or felt stuck and embarrassed that I wasn't doing more for myself and my career?
Sometimes we think that if we attach every ounce of ourselves to something, that will ensure that it stays close to us. And sometimes, that approach works. But I know right now that making decisions that are good for my own future ultimately means making decisions that are good for our future.
thanks for stopping in today everyone. lovelovelove to each of you.
-C
Great reflections, Caitlin! I think you're doing a very brave thing and it will definitely strengthen your relationship.
ReplyDeleteYou and Trevor are rockstars! You're so supportive of one another and it's wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThis is such wise wisdom, Caitlin! I couldn't agree more. I see so many women today putting their needs aside to a point that they don't respect themselves enough to do what's best for them in a relationship. I am inspired to hear you and your man are doing well despite the distance, and pouring in to your own careers and well being as well. :)
ReplyDeleteA very wise post, indeed.
ReplyDeleteI think it's so important to find your own way while you are young and it's great that both you and Trevor are supportive of each other.
You couldn't have said it any more perfect, Caitlin. I think we can all relate to what you are saying and it is so important to better yourself in order to really fulfill "your" end of a relationship. You made an incredibly tough decision, but the right one. Plus, you are so lucky to have a guy in your life the gets it :)
ReplyDeletexxJen
i think this is just perfect! such an important thing to remember:)
ReplyDeletei love this post. and you two are so cute!
ReplyDeleteCould not have said this any better myself! I've sacrificed a lot in the past for relationships or turned to them to make me whole without realizing I needed to better myself before entering a relationship. Now I'm in a happy/healthy relationship with a guy who supports my dreams and goals 100% and we both have our own hobbies and aspirations in life as well as things we work towards together. It's so true when people say that you have to be happy with yourself before being happy with another. Loved this post!
ReplyDeleteStephanie
You're doing the right thing, Cait. Compromise is the name of the game in relationships. It continues that way through marriage. Jeff had an opportunity in Dallas which would have been much easier on us as a couple, but would've been worse in the long run for his career. It's been a huge sacrifice for him to go to California for 3 months, but in the end, it was the best thing for him, and by extension, us. Like I said before, you're doing the right thing. You won't regret it. :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteI was actually wondering how the move would affect your relationship, but felt really nosey thinking about it. Very glad to hear that it's working out well for you guys!
ReplyDelete