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Ever since I announced last week that I'm staying in Chicago everyone has been so, so supportive, and I'm so appreciative of that. I hear things like "what a fabulous life you have!" and "you must be thrilled!" and it's true. I'm so lucky to receive these amazing opportunities and I truly am so excited that I'm able to remain in the inspiring city that is Chicago.
But I'll be honest: fabulous is not the only word I would use to describe my life right now. I'm extremely anxious and stressed about making sure everything comes together, wondering if I'm making the right decision, trying not to disappoint anyone, and juggling all of my responsibilities. It's a financial stretch for me to stay in Chicago (albeit, cheaper than trying to pay out of state tuition to go to school in Cincinnati) and while I do believe that I'm doing the right thing by staying here, it's not easy. The easy route would have been to go back to Cincinnati (even if i wasn't in school), live in my cheap but adorable apartment, hang out with friends and Trevor and get a job that pays the bills until further notice.
Currently, I'm trying to find someone to rent my Cincinnati apartment, find a second job that will help supplement income, maintain my interior decoration services (which is what i truly love), keep my weekends somewhat available so that I'm able to maintain my relationship with Trevor, help the family that is letting me live with them for free until I save up enough money to get my own place in Fall, all while currently still trying to have enough money to pay bills (yes, I still have bills) and live, which is not the easiest thing in the world because right now I'm nearly a full-time intern.
I am not complaining about this. The good far outweighs any negative.
I just wanted to bring these realities to the surface because I know a year ago if I had seen someone in my position I would have envied them to pieces and thought their life was perfect and everything was in place. Oh heavens. Let me just say this: everything is not in place. While I do get to work with amazing, inspiring people like Jess and Alaina and Danielle at The Everygirl, at the end of the day, I am still just a 22 year old girl who doesn't know what the heck she's doing most of the time. We're all in the same boat, y'all. Unless I'm in here alone. Say it ain't so?
caitlin! you are amazing and i have 100% faith that you can get through all this stressfulness and make it :)
ReplyDeleteCaitlin,
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a fantastic job. You are doing things that most people could only dream about doing because they don't have your guts! It's going to be like this. I had the same experiences when I was getting ready to graduate and things like that. You are destined for greatness. Remember that and you will be fine!
Just Breathe,
www.nessabirdie.com
Girl you are not alone! Keep your head up and your mind optimistic for the times ahead! That's what I've been doing. Sure weekending around Europe seems glamorous, but during the week I'm making a mere $3.75/hour at a full time job in a career field that I have recently learned I have barely any interest in. And did I mention that I speak the German of a 2 year old? Le sigh. Of course I'm going to come back to Cincinnati with unforgettable memories, but I'm also going to come back completely broke and in desperate need of a foot rub. But seriously, I feel you girl. Just keep swimming!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone in feeling this way! I feel like I'm constantly treading water to stay afloat in the space of my dreams (wow, that was dramatic, but seriously) - figuring yourself out and making it happen is incredibly hard. From what I can gather, that's normal for people our age. I'm not glad to hear you're feeling as overwhelmed as I am, but I sort of am - I can definitely relate and it's always nice to know you're not alone in feeling like you've got a whole world to juggle and a whole world to conquer. I think this is all worth it, though! If you ever need to talk or chat, just let me know! :)
ReplyDeletethat quote is fantastic! thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYou aren't alone! It is all about timing in life and I think the fact that you see this opportunity and that your not about to let it slip away is commendable. I think you are in the perfect storm (in the best possible way). Things will be tough and stressful, but you are going to come out on the other side with more confidence, drive and direction to keep fulfilling your dreams. At the end of the day, this will all make you a better person to yourself and intern to all the people that love you. I see this as a win, win :)
ReplyDeletexxJen
I wish you the best of luck with everything that is going on right now. You are not alone. In September I will be starting a new program in school and I am not sure what to expect at all, I am just going to take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteSo so relatable! It's a big decision anytime you make a move (I recently moved from Pittsburgh, PA to Orlando, FL) and it can be very stressful/scary even though it is wonderful. Once you get in the swing of things it will all come together and you'll feel fabulous. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteStephanie
http://twenty-somethingblog.com