{Lesson learned.}

As summer starts to come to an end and a new school year gets closer, my wheels start spinning.

I always look at summer breaks as periods to recharge, learn a few things and reset your goals for the upcoming year.

 If you know me or have been reading the blog for a while, you know that my freshman year I switched my major  at school from acting to communications. Sort of a big deal, because I had been in art schools since I was in middle school, and the idea of branching out was terrifying. But, I've taken that time and  have been trying to refigure myself out. Something about my acting classes started to feel wrong. They were not a release for me anymore, or even enjoyable. It just didn't fit anymore. And since then, I've been trying to figure out why. 

Right about the time I decided to switch out of acting was right about the time when life started to get pretty crazy, yall. And here's something I've learned about myself: I exhaust my emotional energy in one direction and am left with none to go anywhere else.  Not good. I've been working on it and have improved a lot. So, even though there were other reasons, (and even though I'm still not sure that the place I was studying would have been the right fit for me anyway) in a nutshell, I stopped acting because I was emotionally spent. I had barely enough energy to get through my daily tasks, let alone try to compete with a crazy schedule and the constant analysis of how committed I was to the program or to acting as a career. I was relieved when I left, and probably even a bit happier, but definitely not fulfilled. I was mostly just relieved that I didn't have pressure on my shoulders that I knew I couldn't live up to anymore. I had the space I needed to figure things out.

I've done this in many areas of areas of my life. I've let really important things fall by the wayside or become neglected because I don't have the energy for them anymore. I never realized this until this past year, but I am learning how to stop that from happening. And more than anything, I'm losing patience for it. I'm losing patience for not having the life I want to have because I'm exhausting my energy towards other areas that I can't control. I'm losing patience for having things in my life that are anything but positive and supportive. I don't have patience to be confused anymore. I don't have patience to sit around and figure everything out. I've hit the limit of what I will sit down and deliberate over or analyze because the longer I sit and do that, the more time I'm wasting. And time is precious. 

Life is simple. Really. It is. I just have to remind myself that sometimes.