I wish that we were capable of removing ourselves from our own problems and situations
so that we could see clearly enough to resolve them.
I think if we could all follow the advice that we could give someone else in our own shoes,
we'd be way better off.
Exhibit A: When I was living in Chicago a couple of years ago, I was a total mess.
I was living in this absolutely amazing city that I would KILL to live in now,
and was surrounded by so much opportunity.
I could have done anything and everything with my time off from school that year,
and you know what I spent most of it doing?
Crying and texting.
Sometimes sleeping.
It's embarrassing to even admit that to the internet because I'm seriously a little ashamed with myself for not taking advantage of everything that was at my fingertips.
I was heartbroken, my self esteem was below the floor and I spent all of my time living in my cell phone, obsessing over text messages and thriving on my own misery.
I finally started taking acting classes, which helped a bit,
but looking back I wish I had done so much more.
You know what I wish I could tell that girl in that picture?
Throw your phone in the friggin' lake, and go get yourself a LIFE.
I'm not saying that crying and wallowing doesn't have it's place.
It does.
But there comes a point when it starts to run your life, and before you know it,
it hits you that you've wasted so much opportunity. so much LIFE.
I used to sit in coffee shops in the mornings sometimes and watch girls come in that looked so happy and full of energy and confidence and just wished so badly that I felt like that again.
When your self esteem is shot, it's sort of hard to have much else.
I wanted to know their secret.
But I think the secret is that it doesn't just fall in your lap.
I've come to believe that you design your own life.
And if you find that your life and who you are are not who you want to be,
you make the effort to tweak, or do a total overhaul if necessary, but you have control,
even at the times when it
feels like you have
none.
There came a time in Chicago when I stopped talking to people about the issues I was going through,
or left out big details when I did, because deep down I knew that they wouldn't understand.
The thing I didn't recognize was that
they wouldn't understand because it wasn't understandable. Since then, that's been the best gage for me to make sure I'm always respecting myself.
If I can't be honest with myself or the people closest with me,
then the problem is probably bigger than I've recognized,
and the solution is probably obvious,
and it's probably time to face it.
If we could all have a birds eye view of our own lives,
maybe we could get the hang of it.
There was no real reason for me to write this except that I've been wanting to since I started this blog,
and I find it nice to think that someone else might learn from my own stupidity.
Stupidity is really the gift that keeps on giving, don't ya think?
'Til next time...
-C
