Happy Holidays!

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the best time of year is upon us!

I hope you are all enjoying your December and making lots of cookies and Christmas wishes!

I'm down in Texas with my big, crazy family and am helping get ready for my little cousin's 3rd birthday party! I can't wait to see her face when she opens up her gifts :) 

I'll post a picture of what we got her soon!

I only have one Christmas wish this year

 and I'm wishing on a star every night that Santa makes it come true.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays <3

Love,

C

I miss...

                                 good friends.

                                my BSA ensemble. i don't care how long ago it was. 
                                i love each and every one of them.

                                great adventures.

                                young(er) love.

I don't know what it is about tonight or this snow that is making me so nostalgic,

but I can't help but miss all of these things.

C'mon 2011.

Let's make it a good one eh?

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

-C

Daydreams.

I'm quite the daydreamer, and when I am daydreaming, it's usually about coming home to a place like this

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I love the yellow double doors.
The walk up stairs like that always remind me of the exterior to Carrie Bradshaw's apartment.

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I think "home" is one of my favorite words. Just brings a smile to my face.

Unfortunately, it's time to stop daydreaming and time to start studying...

definitely not as fun.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

-C

whats next?

This past weekend was my cousin Whitney's wedding in New Orleans, and it was simply awesome. I can't wait to tell you more about that weekend as soon as I get some pictures, but I'd just like to say that there are few couples that you look at and just get a feeling in your stomach that they are right, no doubts, no if ands or buts. Whitney and Jeff are one of those couples and I'm so happy my cousin has ended up with a guy like him. I hope all of the awesome women in my family never ever settle.

Anyway, during the weekend in Nola, Trevor and I got to talking on a walk to get lunch one morning about if we were applying to colleges now if we would choose the same major or school as we've chosen. 

It got me thinkin'.

I don't regret my decision to come to Cincinnati, I am grateful that I ended up here. 

It's brought me so many amazing things.

 But it's interesting if I were to apply to college now,

 I would look for completely different attributes than I did before.

Before, I was looking for a program for a BFA program for acting.

That ended up being completely wrong for me, and looking back, I see the clues in why it was wrong all along. It just took a big dose of reality for me to truly recognize it. I think for a long time, that was exactly what I wanted and it was exactly what was right for me. But I've grown into someone who doesn't suit that life and doesn't have the willpower to try to fit into it anymore. 

I do miss it sometimes. And usually when I do, it's an overwhelming amount of missing that sort of pangs in my stomach and makes me feel really sad that it ended up being so wrong for me.

 I have some of my happiest memories in theater, and I still find it to be so essential to who I am that I'm sometimes afraid to lose it. But I've learned that the reasons I loved theater wouldn't take me far enough to turn it into my full time career. I love performing and I love connecting. I love giving someone in the audience the gift of being able to relate to something a character says or does to let them know they aren't alone. I love inspiring people or at the very least, leaving them with a happy heart for an hour and a half. 

But my priorities have shifted a lot in the last couple of years, and they no longer suit a career in acting. So there's that.

Whewww. There's a tangent I didn't mean to go on.

Anyway, the point is, after I left the acting program I was almost instantly a lot happier 

(which was a relief).

I just felt lighter. I was excited for all of the new options I had. (I was also terrified)

But shortly after I started to feel empty in some way. 

I was taking these really lack luster, boring classes, that didn't challenge me at all. 

I don't like this about myself but I really need to be challenged to be really successful. 

It's the best way for me to really stay on top of things.

If it becomes too easy I become too lazy.
I had all of this creative energy still and I wasn't sure how to channel it.
Theater wasn't feeling right anymore but I also wasn't content just sitting at my desk doing administrative jobs at work. I wasn't sure what to do.

Which brings me to my point. There is something that I've found really interesting in all of this change,
and it relates to blogging, actually.

I used to use blogging as a way to stay connected to "normal" life. I loved reading blogs about families and marriage or just whatever was going on in regular, everyday lives, because when I really started blogging, that is what I felt so far away from. I was surrounded by theater and school and artists, and while that has perks of it's own, my heart started to fear what taking that route could possibly make me miss out on down the line.

But now, I use blogging mostly as a way to stay connected to art and design and creativity. I love to scour the internet for design blogs. Nothing makes me feel quite the way I do when I see a beautiful table setting or a warm, inviting interior. Blogging has fed that desire to be connected to creativity when I wasn't sure where else to put it.

I've been updating this poor blog less and less and it breaks my little heart.
Most of what has been going on in my life wasn't really right for blogging.
 I like to be open, but there are boundaries and unfortunately,
posting about a lot that has been going on would have been crossing a line.
I've been really drained this quarter and I'm ecstatic to see a new year rolling around.
 I'm feeling really positive and hopeful about what 2011 will offer me and my family.

So, with the new start of 2011 I've decided to revamp this blog to hopefully help it fit in better with where my life is leading and what I hope to get out of blogging. I'm going to dedicate a lot of my winter break to getting it redesigned and set up and I'm so excited!

Are y'all gearing up for the new year too? Have some changes in the making?

By the way...I don't know about y'all but it was a great day for hot cocoa here in Cincinnati. Mmm.

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'Til next time...

-C

Thanks.

 "...Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet

I'm sorry for my lack of posting all this time. I get too overwhelmed with life and the last thing I can do when that happens is write out my thoughts when they are always so jumbled.

I'm thankful for all of the love in my life, and I'm thankful for the best sister in the whole world.
I'm so glad to have her with me as my best pal everyday :).

And just to add a little more sappiness...

I forgot to mention on here (surprising...) that Trevor and I recently celebrated our 4th year anniversary since we became a real couple (whatever that means) during junior year at the ol' high school.

Anyway, i can't let that day completely pass without embarrassing him on here just a litttle bit.

Thank you, Trevor, for being the greatest peace and calm in my life.

No matter what else goes haywire, I'm comforted knowing that I have you, and I hope I give you even a fraction of the joy that you give me. 

and thank you letting me blog about you (as if you have a choice :))

-C

Just call me Tired Mc. Tiredson.

I have a serious problem y'all.

Every time I try to update this thing I can't really figure out what I want to write about.

I have about a million under developed blog post ideas, but none complete enough to follow through.

Story of my life.

Anyways.

I'm terribly tired lately for no reason.

Trevor said I should get a multi vitamin.

I think he's right.

My sister was in town visiting me this last week.

Boy did I miss her.

I forgot how nice it is to have a true pal hangin' around at your hip.

You can't find those just anywhere :).

I'm generally someone who likes my space. I like to do things a lone a lot.

Though I consider myself to be more of a people person than a loner.

But maybe I'm wrong about that.

Anyway, the cool thing about sisters (or at least mine) is that you can pretty much go on about your day as usual without feeling like you have to entertain somebody, but still have great company.

I miss having her here.

I'm about 10000% ready for this quarter to be over and for the new one to start.

I like to start fresh when I'm feeling frustrated.

I'm not sure if that's a good quality.

Can you tell I'm a little down in the dumps? I know. I need to pep up.

I'm hoping once I get this monsterous paper that's glaring at me in the face over with that I'll feel a little lighter again.

Things to look forward to:

My cousin's wedding in New Orleans is just 26 sleeps away.

I'll get to see my whole Texan family at the end of the month for Thanksgiving.

and last but not least,

It's time to start pregaming for Christmas :)

Just a reminder.

This morning when I woke up to email my homework to my professor, 

I was greeted with a broken computer charger.
Joyyyy.

With a looming deadline ahead,
I reluctantly yet speedily took myself over to the Apple store in the mall
to buy myself a new 80 stinking dollar charger.

When I was leaving, I passed by Ann Taylor and Banana Republic and decided to mosey on inside.

I don't know about y'all, but as a college student, Ann and Banana tend to be a little out of my budget.

But I decided to walk around and pretend like they weren't.

150 bucks for this pair of plain black flats? No prob. 

70 bucks for a shirt? Why not? I'll have it forever!

Yeah right.

I walked out feeling just the teeniest bit bummed since I was currently wearing a pair of jeans that are too big for me but that I refuse not to wear because I paid 60 dollars for them, 

and a t-shirt that I think I've had since 8th grade. 

I know, I'll give you a moment to wipe your tears.

But tonight, as I'm about to go to bed, 

I feel more content that I've felt in a very long time.

Somehow, everything that has been heavy on my mind these past few months is beginning to lift. 

And when I get happy texts from my mom and sister, and have phone calls with my dad,

and my most wonderful boyfriend, who I seriously thank God for every morning and every night,

is coming to visit in just 3 days,

 I smile to myself because I remember once more that you really can't buy happiness.

'til next time...

-C