Things you learn.

I was always one of those girls who completely romanticized the idea of ending up with your first love.
I loved the idea of falling in love and staying in love until death do you part (sorry to sound so scary...)
Factoring in break ups or hiccups or heartbreak was never really a part of the equation I had in mind
(and well, DUH. who ever does?), if I could have had it my way
(my way being the romanticized movie of my life that I usually have playing in my head.)
I remember growing up and always hearing people say that you never forget your first love.
I actually remember seeing a movie ( I feel like it involved Mandy Moore, but don't take my word for it) about a girl who was seeking answers about her first love, and her mother told her  that after you get your heart broken the first time, "you'll never love the same way."
"Not that you'll love less," she said "but you'll love differently."
And I remember the whole audience of women whole heartedly agreeing and nodding and murmuring things like "So true" under their breath.

I really hated this idea. And what I hated the most was how inevitable everyone made it sound.
Like I might as well just start stockin' up on the Ben and Jerry's and chick flicks now because my first love WOULD break my heart and I WOULD forever be changed by it.

Well, the truth is, they were right. I did get my heart broken (dun dun dun),
and when Trevor and I got back together over a year later
(I know most of you who actually know us are probably like WHAT/HUH? I dont ever remember you being apart that long. That's because we weren't, we did the ever so productive and healthy Rachel and Ross back and forth until something clicked and we realized that wasn't gonna cut it)
So I guess the more appropriate thing to say would be when Trevor and I legitimately got back together over a year later, I got my first taste of entering a relationship actually understanding the repercussions of what could happen. I didn't blindly think that Trevor and I would just magically be together forever or that our biggest fights would be about things as mundane and unthreatening as Trevor not liking red spaghetti sauce (true story. we fought about that. ill tell you about it another time.)

Anyway, the point is, that before this year,
I (sort of secretly, because I knew deep down it was naive of me) was really jaded about relationships that came after your first love. Of course now that I see things a bit clearer,
I am all "thank the LORD that person didn't end up in their first relationship"
because there are plenty of first boyfriends and girlfriends that don't deserve to have you for the rest of your life. But I had that whole "you'll never love the same way again" comment engraved in my mind and feared that everything I experienced afterwards would be settling.

Now that I see what it's like to love again after losing love (even if it's with the same person),
I've come to deeply appreciate second, third, fourth, fifth loves,
where you are so conscious about what you're getting into that you can
(consciously or unconsciously) say to yourself
"I know this man could stick my heart in a blender--but shoot, I'm gonna go for it anyway."

And these days, I don't think love is blind.
At least not my love.
I think my love is clear eyed, and knows the great possibilities as well as the bad possibilities,
but the part that counts is that I'm in it anyway.
And really, what could be more romantic than that?


-C



**So I have been drafting all sorts of blog entries lately and have had an impossible time finishing them. This one was drafted two weeks ago! So help me out. Vote on the poll on the right hand side for which blog entry you want to read about the most, and that will be the one that I finish and post next. Thanks, y'all!**

Stuck.

Do y'all ever feel stuck?
I do.
It's always been my personality to get bored pretty quickly.
I like adventures and new cities and traveling,
and though I love this little cincinnati area and everything it's given me,
I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

Maybe it will be different when and if I have a vehicle and can explore more areas,
but this two block radius has become my UNIVERSE, and quite frankly, it just ain't cuttin it.

When Trevor and I went to Toronto for my birthday,
I was so amazed at how much there was to do just right outside of our hotel!
I completely forgot what it felt like to walk outside and have so many options right at your feet.
I'm not bashing Cincinnati, because to be honest, I know NOTHING about this city.
Yes, I go to school here but I only ever explore campus, so my knowledge is limited.

But I literally have been having these fantasies about what it would be like to be in a vibrant city with opportunities galore and adventures on every corner.
I know that is completely glamour-ized, because I DID live in Chicago last year and definitely learned that just because you live in a great city with tons to do, doesn't mean that you can afford to partake in it.

Cincinnati has housed amazing memories for me so far,
and I appreciate all of the wonderful times I've had and am still having here.
I just sometimes feel a little empty, like something is missing.
Especially since I left CCM. Not because it's CCM that I feel like I'm missing,
but because I don't have as much HERE for me anymore.
I mean, I love my friends that I've made and I wouldn't trade them for the world,
and having Trevor here is amazing, but he's also gone half of the year doing exciting things in new places, and I just tend to feel a little stuck in the mud.

I know there will be plenty of new adventures ahead of me.
And in fact, I'm starting to look into my study abroad options as we speak
(which would be a nice little thing to check off of my 25 before 25 list)
So I know there will be plenty of opportunities for me, I just have to work a little harder to find them.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Am I alone in this little club?

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

'Til next time...

-C

Do me a favor :)

Go on www.olioboard.com

and vote in the Retro Challenge for Trevor's board titled "Retro Living"

Go, Go, Go!!!

You'll be my favorite person.

AND if you are a fan of interior anything, you'll love exploring this site anyway.

Thanks :)


-C

If only.

Its ridiculous how many blog posts I have started and NOT finished this week.

I don't know what my deal is lately, y'all.

I just cannot seem to finish a single post.

I get stumped halfway through and can't figure out how to continue!

Basically...

THERE IS TOO MUCH TO SAYYYY.

I start one post and halfway through it end up talking about something else
and so on and so forth.
and nothing ever gets completed.

lord almighty.



does this happen to anyone else?

Home Sweet Home.

One of my favorite parts of Apartment Therapy is that it focuses on featuring small spaces 

that have been turned into functional, cozy homes. 

Since the two major cities to reside in as an actor are Los Angeles and New York- the task of finding an affordable, comfortable apartment can seem a little daunting. 

But AT proves that any space (no matter how small) can feel like home.

So, for anyone out there who has just moved into a shoebox-here's a little inspiration for ya thanks to Apartment Therapy, who featured Natalie's 285 square foot San Francisco Apartment.

lovelovelove.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

See you tomorrow <3

-C

Blog Love

Time to shine a little spotlight on a new addition to the blogosphere.

Any fashion gurus out there?

If so, hop on over to my sisters new fashion blog, Pastiche.
She's a twenty something girl with some fashion inspiration out the wazoo for you
that (most of the time) won't clean out your wallet.

via 599 fashion

Enjoy!

-C

Productivity

Today I will:

1) Go to the gym.

2) Do laundry.

3) Go to CVS.

4) Write the blog post that I tried to write all last night but somehow couldn't.

5) WELCOME TREVOR HOMEEE(ish)! :) 

Check back a little later for a new post, but until then, here's a little eye candy for you since I missed Wedding Wednesday this week. Forgive me, between working and working OUT I hardly have the energy to make myself dinner these days. But I'm workin on it, y'all :)

all photos from martha stewart weddings.

Aren't these great alternatives to floral centerpieces?

I fear the day that I get a new car because I'm 99.9% sure my first stop will be a craft store and a flower shop so that I can set the table 40 different ways in a week. What is it about table settings that make my heart go pitter patter?


'Til next time...




-C