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Ever since I announced last week that I'm staying in Chicago everyone has been so, so supportive, and I'm so appreciative of that. I hear things like "what a fabulous life you have!" and "you must be thrilled!" and it's true. I'm so lucky to receive these amazing opportunities and I truly am so excited that I'm able to remain in the inspiring city that is Chicago.
But I'll be honest: fabulous is not the only word I would use to describe my life right now. I'm extremely anxious and stressed about making sure everything comes together, wondering if I'm making the right decision, trying not to disappoint anyone, and juggling all of my responsibilities. It's a financial stretch for me to stay in Chicago (albeit, cheaper than trying to pay out of state tuition to go to school in Cincinnati) and while I do believe that I'm doing the right thing by staying here, it's not easy. The easy route would have been to go back to Cincinnati (even if i wasn't in school), live in my cheap but adorable apartment, hang out with friends and Trevor and get a job that pays the bills until further notice.
Currently, I'm trying to find someone to rent my Cincinnati apartment, find a second job that will help supplement income, maintain my interior decoration services (which is what i truly love), keep my weekends somewhat available so that I'm able to maintain my relationship with Trevor, help the family that is letting me live with them for free until I save up enough money to get my own place in Fall, all while currently still trying to have enough money to pay bills (yes, I still have bills) and live, which is not the easiest thing in the world because right now I'm nearly a full-time intern.
I am not complaining about this. The good far outweighs any negative.
I just wanted to bring these realities to the surface because I know a year ago if I had seen someone in my position I would have envied them to pieces and thought their life was perfect and everything was in place. Oh heavens. Let me just say this: everything is not in place. While I do get to work with amazing, inspiring people like Jess and Alaina and Danielle at The Everygirl, at the end of the day, I am still just a 22 year old girl who doesn't know what the heck she's doing most of the time. We're all in the same boat, y'all. Unless I'm in here alone. Say it ain't so?